Faith After Fraud
My sister Sydney and I recently did a podcast episode with Jedidiah Hartley. We had a really good discussion about our childhoods at IHOP. A lot of great stories came out of the interview. Jed shared about being raised by a seemingly prophetic man who was later exposed as a fraud.
It’s an excellent episode, but a heartbreaking one.
My childhood was filled with grandiose stories about larger-than-life people who were seemingly doing the Lord’s work. Stories about Bob Jones, Paul Cain, Mike Bickle, and many others. All of these people were supposedly forerunners ushering in the great revival and the end-times church.
But were they?
They have been exposed as frauds. Frauds and wolves. False teachers and prophets. I’m not saying that everything they preached or prophesied was false; I am saying that they used the prophetic to lie, manipulate, cheat, and abuse.
Jed said something very interesting,"I did not grow up worshiping the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I grew up worshiping the God of Bob Hartley, Mike Bickle, and Bob Jones."
Ouch.
I was deceived. Deceived by wolves who sought to satiate their ravenous appetites on good people. They did not represent God to me. Their character did not reveal Jesus.
So now what? How do I discover my own faith after fraud?
I was born in Kansas City, 2 weeks before IHOPKC went 24/7. I have no other spiritual foundation outside of IHOP. No other experiences to lean on. No way to fully cast out my years at IHOP. So what now?
I have been on my journey of sifting and detangling for a while now. It goes so much deeper than I ever imagined. It has taken me to the very core of my beliefs. The detox has been real.
I have had to discover faith again. It’s been hard. How do I believe in something that I cannot see when so many “representatives of Christ” have been liars? How do I re-establish my foundation?
That is not to say that I’ve figured this out or have “arrived”; far from it.
But I have looked over my history and noticed a few things.
God was real to me, even while at IHOP. God showed Himself to me. I didn’t solely rely on the opinions and experiences of others, I sought Him myself. I am so thankful that I did. I am thankful that my parents showed me how to pursue God for myself and not rely on others to do it for me.
I don’t think my faith would be intact if it were built only on what I saw and heard from others. My faith is alive because I know God for myself. I struggled a lot in Brazil, and my only recourse was to go be with God. I dove into His word and the Psalms headfirst. I had no other option. I found God there.
I have communed with the Holy Spirit almost my entire life. I cannot just walk away from that. My faith is real.
Walking away never felt like an option. Not because people would be disappointed in me or that I would lose friends. Walking away was never an option because I knew what it felt like to talk to the Holy Spirit within me. No way could I ever give that up.
It might be weak, I have a lot of questions, but my faith is real.
I don’t want to let the opinion of others and my close proximity to wolves corrode my faith. IHOPKC will always be part of my story, but it doesn’t have to define it.
This is all nice and fluffy to write about, much harder to actually do.
I’ve brought my complaints to God, and there have been a lot. God can handle my anger and my questioning, so I bring it to Him. He can handle me questioning the goodness of God when I feel surrounded by devastation.
With all that said, holding onto my faith is a conscious decision right now. I am fighting to hold on, people I’ve known for over 2 decades have let go of their faith. And I get it. IHOP crushed many tender and sincere souls in pursuit of their twisted mission. It breaks my heart
Today is Saturday. Silent Saturday. I cannot fathom what the disciples and friends of Jesus felt on the Saturday after the crucifixion. An unimaginable grief, utter devastation, unending questions, and sorrow beyond my comprehension. Worst day ever.
But then Sunday came, didn’t it? Sunday came, and Jesus rose from the dead, the greatest day in human history. Jesus rose and met his friends. He restored their faith and their hope. He healed their sorrow, devastation, and grief.
A lot of life right now feels like Silent Saturday. But that means that Sunday must be coming soon. I really believe that Jesus will heal our sorrow, devastation, and grief. He might even heal my tremendous trust issues. Who knows.
My faith feels weak, but I’m holding on. Jesus is near, even if I don’t always feel Him. And I know things won’t always be this way, the pain won’t last forever. Not for me, and not for you.
Photo by Tom Swinnen on Unsplash
Chloe, my husband and I became financial partners and supporters of IHOPKC around 2005, although I found it online in January 2000. We made lots of friends and visited often, sometimes being invited into the inner circle by MB. We believed all of the teachings and loved listening to the prophetic history. We watched EGS and Forerunner services and streamed the prayer room constantly. Attended every onething conference. We honestly felt loved and accepted by the community even though we lived a 13-hour drive away. And we can relate deeply to just about every single word you wrote in this article. We were in our 40’s when we got connected, unlike you, we had other spiritual foundations. But we were deceived. We were enticed and used by MB for personal funding. What a wolf. What a great actor at spewing all that false humility that we didn’t believe was false. We also need to rediscover our faith after fraud. We have been in Silent Saturday since the fall of 2023. Thank you for this blog post. I feel so seen and understood after reading it.
This is quite wonderful and I admire your courage in pursuing God in the midst of such devastation. You have so much to give to those with similar clergy abuse/trauma/cult experiences that are struggling to hang on or have let go. I am convinced that God has not let go of them.