Am I Not Mary of Bethany Anymore?

The stories of Mary of Bethany have always been some of my favorites in the Bible. On more than one occasion she showed her steadfast devotion to Jesus without uttering a single recorded word in the Bible.

Jesus said that what she has done to honor Me will be remembered wherever the gospel is preached. That was never said about any of the disciples.

The lesson is simple; her devotion to Jesus moved His heart.

But here’s the problem.

Those stories about Mary were always shared with me in the context of a prayer room. It was always framed as pouring your life out as an offering to Jesus in prayer. Specifically in a prayer room, especially in the IHOP prayer room.

When I moved back to the States, leaving our prayer room in Brazil, I got a little bit disillusioned. I went from being full-time in our beautiful prayer room to get a “normal job”. It was always the plan for me to get a “normal job” after finishing college, so I thought that I shouldn’t feel that way.

I wasn’t prepared for the feelings of disqualification when I joined the marketplace. I knew in my head that there was no difference between secular and sacred. No difference between “ministry” jobs and “marketplace” jobs, but I still felt the disconnect.

It took me a minute to realize, and really believe, that I was not inferior for being in the marketplace. But more importantly, I was not disappointing God because I couldn’t be in a prayer room 40 hours a week anymore.

There were a few stories in the Bible that I had a hard time reading. The stories about Mary of Bethany are a few of them. Even though they were some of my favorites, I struggled with seeing how they applied to me now.

Was I not like Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus anymore?

Was I not giving Jesus my life because I worked a normal job?

I knew that these passages had to apply to me. The gospel has to apply to everyone everywhere, otherwise it’s not the gospel. The gospel wasn’t tailored for the American church, we must conform to the gospel. Not the other way around.

The stories of Mary pouring her love to Jesus have to be applicable to me, the people in a prayer room, the single mother in Columbia, and the young man in Nepal.

I knew that it had to work for me too as a marketplace person. But I struggled to see how. I had only ever heard those stories through the lens of getting people to “sign up again” for the prayer room.

I was at a small group a few weeks back and we were talking about when Mary poured the alabaster oil on Jesus’ feet.

Towards the end of the discussion, I mentioned that I’ve had a hard time reconciling what that passage means to me now. As a “normal job” person (you can clearly see the effects that IHOP had on me).

A friend mentioned the story of the widow’s mite. In the story (Luke 21) Jesus asks his disciples a simple question. “Who gave more? The widow’s two mites or the rich guy who filled up the bowl?”

The disciples answered, the rich guy. Jesus said no. The widow put in more than all. The rich dude gave out of his abundance, but she gave out of poverty and gave everything she had. She gave out of her lack, which was of far greater sacrifice than the rich dude.

This is an encouraging story, especially if you aren’t rolling in the cheddar. But my friend made an important point.

The widow’s mite is not just about how much money you have to give, but about time.

The person who has 40 hours a week to be in the prayer room gives what they have. The person who has 20 minutes a day to connect with the Lord gives what they have. And it is enough.

When you have a busy schedule and you give the Lord the 20 minutes you have every day, that is enough. Out of your lack of time, you give the Lord what you have. That is enough. That moves the heart of God. I don’t need to feel guilty for not giving Jesus my all because I don’t give 40 hours a week.

When I heard the passage described that way it moved me. I, who have a full-time job, side hustles, and am very involved in my church, give the Lord the time that I have, it moves Him.

The calculator in heaven works differently than ours. It’s not about how much time or money you give from our perspective. It’s about giving what you have. What you have to give is enough.

I don’t have to feel lesser than if I only have 20 minutes to spend with the Lord each morning. I am not a second-class Christian if I don’t go to a prayer room 40 hours a week or wake up at 5am every day to be more holy. That’s not how He evaluates my life or looks at me.

This struggle I’ve had is one of the fruits of IHOP. People who were at IHOP, those who were “all-in”, were seen as the Navy Seals of Christianity. They were better than everyone else because they gave the most. They gave the most time. They sacrificed more than everyone.

I am not saying that the Lord did not delight in their worship. I am saying that I, and you, are not lesser because we can’t give the same amount of time as them.

Countless people felt like losers when they left IHOP because they couldn’t hack it. They couldn’t give 40+ hours a week anymore. People walked away from the faith because they thought they were failures. And that is on IHOP, especially on Mike for the culture he produced.

If you’re reading this as a “marketplace” person, I hope that you can find hope and peace in this. I finally have.

I am not less than because I don’t give as much of my time as others. I give what I have to the Lord and that is enough. He is pleased with my weak, broken offering. I don’t have to prove myself to God. I sure as heck don’t have to prove myself to anyone else.

When I spend my 20 minutes with the Lord or send up a 10-second prayer during work or turn my eyes to Him before I go to sleep I move His heart. I am giving to Him out of my lack, not my abundance.

Thank God that His kingdom really is an upside-down kingdom. I can be in communion with God and move His heart as a “normal job” person.

I can still be like Mary when I give Jesus what I have.

P.S. Did you know my that sister and I started a podcast? It’s called Green Room. We share what it's been like growing up pastor’s kids and pull back the curtain a little bit of the charismatic church.

Listen to it here.