The Hypocrisy is Killing Me

Almost every week I am hit with a new wave of grief or trauma regarding the IHOPKC / Mike Bickle scandal.

Certain stories get told, memories resurface, or the Lord highlights a doctrine that is less-than-biblical or straight-up false.

But the Lord has been incredibly gracious to me. I can only handle so much at once, and He’s slowed everything down to a drip. I can handle a drip, I can’t handle a hurricane.

What has been hitting me afresh these past few weeks is the utter hypocrisy that I grew up in. Such high standards were put in place for people to reach for. And if you didn’t reach them, you were failing.

Turns out, no one really hit those standards. Or if they did, it produced zero fruit.

Mike prayed 6 hours a day 6 days a week for 40 years. Well, that’s what he said. But let’s say that he actually did those things. What was it all for? What was the fruit? He did not allow the transformative power of the gospel to change him. What a waste. But he did use that as a shield and excuse to show that he was above reproach.

Turns out, not above reproach.

I know many people who prayed a lot less than Mike and are godly, true people.

At IHOPKC it was communicated that if you wanted to be a real, radical believer, an end-time messenger, you had to meet certain unattainable criteria. Every staff member had their “sacred trust” which they committed to at least 24 hours a week in the prayer room. And there was a very intense culture of fasting, that it turns out most people weren’t attaining.

And these were seen as the golden standards that everyone had to meet. And the guilt people felt when they weren’t making it was palpable.

But it turns out, the poster children for these “golden standards” were far from doing them. Or even being godly.

Misty Edwards was the ultimate goal. She was the example of someone who had given everything to Jesus. She was the golden standard of devotion, especially for women. Her singleness and commitment to the prayer room was something that many strived for.

Misty’s life is very complicated. And heartbreaking. And disturbing.

But I know that at many times in her life, her desire to please the Lord and love Jesus was sincere. She sang in the prayer room at 2 am when no one else was there. She wrote songs that ushered me into the presence of the Lord.

But that wasn’t all that was going on. And it breaks my heart.

But what really breaks my heart, is that so many people tried to do the “Misty thing”. And when they couldn’t read 10-25 chapters in the Bible every day, fast several days a month, or write anointed songs, they thought they were failures. They were discouraged in their walk with the Lord.

But guess what? Misty wasn’t even doing the “Misty Thing”!

She was put on a pedestal, by Mike, to be the “ultimate” intercessory missionary. The example to keep everyone reaching. But it wasn’t real. So many people were constantly wrapped in guilt and discouraged because they couldn’t reach it. But it was a lie. The "Misty Thing” was the carrot on the end of the stick that was always just out of reach.

All these “golden standards” added to the gospel’s simplicity. Reading 10-25 chapters in the Bible a day is not a biblical mandate. Fasting every Tuesday and the first Monday - Wednesday of the month is not a biblical mandate. Being in the prayer room for a minimum of 24 hours a week is not a biblical mandate.

These standards didn’t produce righteousness. It produced guilt and shame. It made people feel like constant failures. It wasn’t what Jesus modeled for us. It was what the Pharisees modeled.

If you didn’t get your biblical reading in and understand the abomination of desolation, you weren’t trying hard enough. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve known who were a part of IHOP, some even considered to be in some of the inner circles, who felt endless guilt and shame. And felt stupid because they couldn’t go toe to toe with Mike, Stuart, or Dave in a theological discussion.

But what did that produce? Hypocrisy. Self Righteousness. Shame. Guilt. Performance mentality. Arrogance.

And in a few cases, a secret life. A secret life that fed on darkness, abuse, manipulation, and elitism.

The hypocrisy and performance break my heart. So many 20-somethings left IHOP feeling like losers because they didn’t meet the “Misty standard”. Some walked away from the Lord because they couldn’t hack it, and felt like failures. But Misty didn’t reach it either. It wasn’t the simple, pure, unadulterated gospel.

No one ever talked about the quiet and peaceable life that Paul spoke of in 1 Timothy. No one talked about how to actually love your neighbor. Or how to be a good husband, wife, father, or mother.

They talked about the impending doom, the end times, the end of the age. They talked about how mothers should practice visualizing their children being killed in response to them not denying the gospel (yes, Mike actually said that. Sick.)

Speaking of the impending doom that always hung over people…

It is no secret that one of Mike’s life messages was The End Times. For those unfamiliar, the End Times speaks of the years preceding the return of Jesus to the earth.

The End Times is important. Studying the End Times is not a bad thing.

But should it be talked about constantly at the neglect of other messages like the second commandment? Or the fruit of the spirit? Or how to develop godly character? Probably not.

The End Times was so constantly emphasized that people started living like it could happen any day. Why would they invest in their retirement if Jesus will be back before then? Why would I get an education if it won’t help me in the End Times?

This produced a very unbalanced faith in my opinion. A huge emphasis on the End Times and no emphasis on how to be a good person or believer person now. It created extreme arrogance and elitism in many. Why? Because they were preparing for the persecution of the church while everyone else was just going to work.

But here’s where it gets funny. Funny of course is relative.

There was a huge emphasis on standing up for truth in the End Times. We were constantly reminded that we would be betrayed, lied about, persecuted, and cast aside because of our beliefs. But we were to stand fast to the truth. Stand up for what’s right, no matter the cost.

You might not believe me. But let me just mention that I played pretend martyr as a kid.

Yup, you heard that right. What other community produces kids that play pretend martyr?

Now looking at recent months, I find that extreme emphasis on standing up for what’s right no matter what somewhat ironic.

People who preached boldly on the stage about standing up for what’s right no matter the cost have lied, deceived, manipulated, abused, and become even more rooted in their doctrine even when faced with their sin and hypocrisy.

Funny how that works huh?

When many leaders and staff members at IHOP have been presented with insurmountable evidence of the culture of lies, abuse, and darkness that IHOP has been built on, they have ignored it. No humility. No repentance. No apologies for the harm caused.

Ironic.

It turns out that standing up for truth, the hurting, and the abused comes at a high cost. A cost that many are just unwilling to pay.

This is harsh, I know that.

What I have tremendous grace for is the hundreds of staff members who are innocent and trying to figure out what on earth is going on. The first stage of betrayal trauma is shock and denial. I understand going through the denial stage. I understand how painful it is to be confronted with the truth of what you’ve been part of.

I have been confronted with the pain of what I grew up in and what I was a part of.

I am speaking more about the leaders, many of whom have mysteriously resigned or disappeared, who chose to ignore the truth after being shown evidence that confronted their culture. They have had enough time to process. Enough time to get past the denial stage, turns out many had years. Enough time to become humble and repent.

But I guess the cost to stand for truth, for victims, for the hurting is just too high.

Mike has done a superb job of creating this culture. Of grooming his leaders to respond this way. But at a point, everyone becomes responsible for their actions. Victims become culpable.

I would have thought that people I looked up to, who studied the Bible for decades and sat in that prayer room for years, would have a tender heart that was ready to listen and respond to the Holy Spirit.

They preached it, but they didn’t live it. So yeah, the hypocrisy is killing me. It breaks my heart.

So many were wounded, labeled as “offended” and “bitter”, hurt, and outcasts because they didn’t fit the mold. They couldn’t hack it. But secretly, no one did. It was a facade.

I thank God that He sees the intent of the heart. He saw every pure intention of every 20-something that came to IHOP wanting to just love Jesus. And I think it counted. It mattered to the Lord. It really did move the heart of God when people lifted their voices to Him.

Although that house was filled with hypocrisy and sin. I still think the hours spent in the prayer room with a pure heart and sincere reach for the Lord were not in vain. Most people there were innocent, blind to the iniquity.