Can We All Wake Up Now?

I am not gonna lie. There have been several times when I’ve woken up in the morning and felt like the last 6 months have been a dream, a nightmare really, and that everything is back to “normal”. That I can go back to the prayer room without looking over my shoulder. That my parents haven’t been berated on every corner of the internet. That Mike Bickle isn’t a psycho.

But then I remembered, it wasn’t a nightmare. It’s real life.

I’m betting I’m not the only one that has felt like this is a dream. It can’t possibly be real. The foundation of my entire childhood can’t be crumbling before my eyes.

Yet, here we are.

This week has been a doozy. Monday night while hanging out with some friends we all heard the news that the International House of Prayer is leaving the Red Bridge Center.

For those unfamiliar, the Red Bridge Center is where the Global Prayer Room (GPR) has lived for the past 20 ish years. It’s the room we’ve all seen on the web stream. It also hosts the book store, coffee shop, dozens of offices, recording rooms, and meeting rooms both large and small.

It’s still unclear what they are going to do with the Red Bridge Center, whether they’re gonna sell it or rent it out. However, they will be moving the prayer room to the IHOPU (International House of Prayer University) building over the summer.

When I heard the news I felt like my childhood home had been sold. I’ve gone there since I was a baby. I have countless positive memories there. I knew how to sneak in snacks and where to sit so I wouldn’t get caught by the “yellow jackets”.

I encountered the Lord more times than I can count. I’ve watched hundreds of hours of the web stream.

Every time more news like this comes out it hits me even harder that this isn’t a dream. It’s real. It’s happening before my eyes.

Even though I loved the prayer room, I can’t deny the darkness that was going on behind closed doors. Or, in this case, that black one-way window in Mike’s office that looked over the prayer room.

I can’t imagine being in there right now trying to worship and looking over to the left of the stage to that stupid door. If you’ve been there, you know what I’m talking about. The exclusive door that only the elite of IHOP could use. You knew you made it when you could use that door to go to the back of the building, even if you didn’t really need to. Mike would always come in and out of there. He would come and sit in his chair pointed sideways and rock back and forth while working on his computer.

I’d rather jump off a cliff than see Mike sitting there again.

I don’t know what the future of IHOP is. But getting out of that building is a good start. No one will be able to recover from the unending trauma while still being in the building where such evil was living under everyone’s noses.

Not only was it announced that IHOP is moving, but a new Roy’s Report was released this week. After having a birthday dinner for my mom, I was sitting at home and my friend texted me the article minutes after it dropped. The headline was enough to get my attention.

I had heard a lot of things about Misty before that point, but I learned a lot Wednesday night.

It absolutely broke my heart.

I’ve already written about some of my fond childhood memories of Misty, but this was extremely disturbing.

Someone I thought I knew, someone I looked up to, has been in deep bondage and darkness for a long time.

Misty’s situation is very complicated. She has been a victim of more than one person. But there also comes a point when a victim becomes culpable for their actions and choices. I would not be surprised if there is a long trail of bodies behind her.

I truly hope and pray that Misty finds true freedom and deliverance in Christ.

A few things are extremely clear to me. Mike ruined her life. Kevin ruined her life.

They will be held accountable for their actions. If not in this age, then the next. The question is never about if there will be justice, but when will there be justice.

All that to say, it’s been a week.

I’ve sometimes thought, “Can I just wake up and everything go back to normal?”

Can I go back to before I lost so many friends?

To when I felt safe in my own hometown?

To when I loved going to the prayer room and wasn’t afraid of getting punched in the face?

To when I didn’t have to question the entirety of my childhood and the integrity of my mentors and heroes?

But going back to “the way things were” would also come at quite a cost.

Mike would be free to continue to manipulate, groom, and abuse countless people.

Leaders like Stuart Greaves and Misty Edwards would be let loose to wreak more havoc on people’s lives.

Brave women like Jane Doe, Tammy Woods, and TH would not have shared their stories.

So I guess in reality, I don’t want things to go back to the way they were before.

The cost of comfort and blissful ignorance is just too high.

It looks like we’re all wide awake. Waiting out the storm.

I want freedom and healing for the victims of Mike’s abuse. I want people to find Jesus despite the toxic and abusive culture of IHOP. I want to see the fruit of real repentance in the many leaders I used to call family friends.

So I guess God is actually answering the thousands of hours of prayers from the prayer room.

“Purify your bride”

Whether we like what it looks like or not, we are getting what we so intently asked for. God is cleaning house. And it sucks.

No one imagined, and I mean no one, the depths of darkness and evil that was laying waste in the shadows at IHOP. But God knew.

God knew about it all, and He is doing what He does better than any of us can. Bringing light and exposing darkness.