The Beach Is Better Than the Mountains

I am writing this week’s post from the beach in Cancun. As I am looking over the water I can smell the salt water in the air. The water is several shades of beautiful blue. When I was in the water earlier I was in awe of how clear it was, just like a pool.

The breeze is life-giving.

I am a beach and water person. After living in Colorado this seemed to be a death sentence to say. Everyone over there is very much a “mountain person”.

But I love how relaxing beaches are. I feel rested when I leave. I love the feeling of sand under my feet and the birds swirling around looking for a snack.

Mountains usually involve hiking. Hiking is a lot of work. Lots of huffing and puffing. So, instead, you can find me at the beach.

There’s been a lot of talk about vacation in my house lately. We’ve been in the middle of the Mike Bickle / IHOPKC scandal for about 9 months. Exhausted doesn’t even begin to describe how we all feel, especially my parents.

I was able to go to Cancun for 4 days with my sister for a little getaway. But is this trip going to fully rejuvenate my soul and heal the bone-deep tired? Probably not. Am I here anyway? Heck yes.

Is a vacation, even a long one, going to heal all the deep wounds that have been inflicted? Will a few hours on the beach take away the pain and feelings of profound betrayal? I doubt it.

Life has been an almost constant traumatization for the last 9 months. Almost everything I thought I knew has been called into question. The “safest” parts of my life were not what they seemed to be. The people that were my supposed family were a bunch of scammers.

I think many of us are going to deal with the ramifications of PTSD for a minute. The longer you were at IHOP the longer it takes to recover.

I don’t love that.

I was there for a long time and deeply connected to the “community” my entire life. 24 years. I don’t want to spend the next 24 years getting over it.

How do I heal? How do we heal?

Long vacations are amazing and needed. But I don’t think they are going to heal all the trauma from the last year, let alone the last 24 years.

What does heal?

A lot of things. But one very important healing agent is joy.

You know what I’m talking about. Those nights when you hang out with friends and laugh until you cry. That kind of joy heals.

When you send a hilarious meme to your friend and giggle at work. Joy.

When a 4-year-old tells you a joke. Joy.

Joy heals.

And you can find that here and now, although it seems hard sometimes. Look hard enough and you can find it.

In times past I wish I had looked harder for the joy. I was content to stay miserable and didn’t look for the happiness that was probably around me.

I am not talking about looking for the silver lining or faking your way through life. I am talking about true joy. The joy of sitting on the beach listening to the waves, eating french fries with your significant other, or showing your favorite childhood movie to your kids.

You can find joy in life even when things are dim.

There is also another kind of joy that heals. Joy that is only found in the Lord.

We’ve heard the verse a thousand times, “The joy of the Lord is my strength”.

I’ve questioned that verse before. I didn’t feel the joy of the Lord and I definitely didn’t feel strong.

But I’ve also known joy in adversity. In the hardest of times, I’ve laughed the hardest. Isn’t the Lord in that joy?

We had a lot of dark and hard days in Brazil. But I’ve never laughed harder and stayed up later with friends than I have then. Isn’t the Lord in that joy?

Many family nights have been spent crying laughing as we played our favorite game Things. Isn’t the Lord in that joy too?

The Lord cares about me. He cares about my heart and knows my sense of humor and how to make me laugh until I cry. He orchestrates moments so my joy tanks get filled.

Then there are the times when it’s just me and the Lord, and there is joy there too.

I wake up on the wrong side of the bed quite often. Getting up before noon sucks. But it’s generally frowned upon to show up to work 4 hours late.

What helps me set my heart right for the day is spending time with the Lord in the morning, even if it’s just for 10 minutes.

When I sit with the Lord in my IKEA wingback chair and take a few breaths, I can feel the Lord. I can feel joy. Those 10 minutes help me have a better outlook on life. I don’t feel hopeless when I sit with the Lord.

The joy of the Lord is my strength. There is joy in adversity. There is joy in suffering.

I think my healing process, and the healing process of everyone else, is quite complex. There is a lot to unpack and sift through. But I think that joy is a key component to healing.

I don’t think the answer is to go harder. If you had asked me a few years ago about how to find healing I probably would have said pray more, fast more, spend more time in the prayer room. Just close your eyes and push harder. But works don’t produce healing.

Let me be very clear here, I believe in prayer and fasting. But I am getting tired of the performance that has sometimes gone hand in hand with those things.

You can’t earn God’s favor. He already likes you. So pray and fast because you love Him, not because you have something to prove.

Our relationship with God is not transactional. If I am tired or hurt needing healing, I don’t need to pray a certain amount or fast until I can barely stand for Him to do what I want Him to do. Our relationship with the Lord isn’t a bank account where we only get to withdraw if we put enough in.

His mercies are new every morning. His grace is an unending ocean. His love for me never runs dry. Regardless of how much I pray and fast.

I pray because I want to connect with the Lord. I fast because it makes me tender. Not because I need to accomplish more for the Lord.

He wants to heal you. Just simply ask Him. Ask Him to show you the joy in your life, the joy that heals and restores. You don’t need to earn the right to get healed or restored. He does it for free.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” - Matthew 11:28-30

P.S. Did you hear that my sister and I started a podcast where we talk about what it’s been like to grow up a pastor’s kid? Episode 1 is out now.