The Soundtrack of Detangling
I’ve always been fascinated by music. My siblings and I used to argue in the car over who got to choose the music we were going to listen to. Ironically, it was usually an embittered battle between Relentless by Misty Edwards or Holy by Cory Asbury and Matt Gilman.
We used to have family “music education” nights where my parents would my siblings and me to the classics of the 80s and 90s. I used to know more music from my parent’s era than my era. Many nights were spent listening to Bryan Adam’s Everything I Do and Michael Bolton’s When a Man Loves a Woman. Bangers really.
When I moved to Brazil I was exposed to a whole other world of music. I started listening to more than IHOP and the 80s/90s classics. My library slowly began to grow, thanks mostly to my friends who were horrified at all the artists I’d never listened to. I began to better understand the power of music. I believe music is a gift from God that has the power to inspire hope, help us mourn, and give us strength.
I sometimes have a hard time connecting with my emotions and understanding what I’m feeling. Music and movies help me. More times than I would like to admit, a song or a movie has led me to hysterical weeping. Usually in scenes that aren’t meant to cause you to weep (the first 5 minutes of Christopher Robin wrecked me). I used to feel embarrassed and weird about it, but then someone correctly pointed out that it did help me release some pent-up emotions and shed some light on what was going on inside me at a deeper level.
A day doesn’t go by where I don’t put my AirPods in and listen to music, whether I’m at work, reading a book, or washing the dishes. I’m always listening to music, it relaxes me. And it helps me feel close to God.
So without further ado, I want to introduce you to the songs that have helped me most in the past 18 months. Songs to help me cry, make me laugh, or shed light on what I’m walking through. The Songs of Detangling.
Knowing What I Know Now: My jaw was on the floor when I first watched the Disney movie Wish. It came out shortly after the IHOP scandal broke and I thought I was watching a sanitized version of the IHOP vs Advocate Group debacle. This song specifically put words to how I’ve felt many times, unable to pretend like everything is fine knowing what I know now.
Closer: This is one of my all-time favorite songs by Matt Gilman. It is a peaceful song that reminds me of the character of God and His desire to always show me mercy.
Saturn: This song, by Sleeping At Last, is a masterpiece. Mostly an instrumental ballad, it immediately calms me. The melodramatic chords help me get into a reflective state of mind.
Touch: Also by Sleeping At Last, this song helped me to see my tendencies to choose not to feel. I shared about this song on a recent podcast episode where I was a guest and told my missionary kid story. It helped me realize that when I dampen my negative emotions, I inadvertently dampen the positive ones too.
What Was I Made For: Billie Eilish gives a fantastic performance in this gut-wrenching song. I’ve done a lot of reflection and thinking recently and sometimes I have the thought, “I don’t know how to feel, but I wanna try”.
My Comfort: I have listened to this song probably a few thousand times, and I’m not kidding. I used to fall asleep to it every night. I want this song sung at my wedding (hint hint Davy Flowers). It reminds me that God is a God of comfort and hope. Many nights I need that reminder.
Psalm 46 (Lord of Hosts): Shane and Shane knocked it out of the park with this one. I discovered this song when we found out we were being embezzled. When I need to be reminded that God is strong, I turn this one on.
Won’t Give Up: I’ve been a fan of Colony House for years now, and this is one of my favorite songs of theirs. The writer has a tragic story and wrote this song out of his unimaginable pain. “But I see Jesus out in front, He’s reaching out for the lonely”.
The Climb: There’s a running joke in my house about this song. One day my brother, who was about 7, walked into my mom’s office and saw her sitting on her chair with her bible on her lap, eyes closed, crying listening to this song. My brother burst into laughter yelling “Mom is crying to Miley Cyrus!”. As funny as that story is, the song is absolute gold. It’s a reminder that not everything is about the destination, the journey matters. Life is mostly the journey.
On Fire (Ingrid Andress Version): Lyrics by Switchfoot, sung by Ingrid Andress. So freaking good. It feels like the perfect alter-call song that doesn’t make my pulse spike. “You’re on fire when He’s near you, you’re on fire when He speaks”.
Holy Ghost: This is a recent discovery. I wrote about this song last week. Suffice it to say Chris Renzema creatively tells the story of a lot of us, wanting to believe but finding it hard sometimes.
Glitter: Another recent discovery, this song is heartbreaking but so true. Patrick Droney paints a picture of grief that I can relate to. “See grief, it's just like glitter it's hard to brush away. Bright light and it still shimmers like it was yesterday. And it falls like confetti. All of the memories explode like a hand grenade.”
Your Hands Are Cold: I know it’s cliche, but I love the 2005 Pride & Prejudice. The soundtrack is beautiful and this song is honestly breathtaking, and played during the best part of the movie. I love it and listen to it all the time. I love listening to it, and other songs like it when I write.
Jesus, You’re Beautiful: Jon Thurlow is a fantastic worship leader and this song feels like his crown jewel. Simple lyrics that help me breathe deep and remember that Jesus is still deserving of everything that I have.
The Prince of Egypt [When You Believe]: Chills, every time. Whitney Houston and Mariah Carry are anointed, and it shows in this song. Some gifts God gives to people in a disproportionate amount, and it just feels unfair to the rest of us.
There are many other songs that I’ve clung to over the years. Unfortunately, many of them are sung by people who I can no longer stand, in every sense of the phrase.
If someone, who is preferably not a predator, wants to re-record all of the gems hidden inside of IHOP’s many albums, I would be much appreciative.
P.S. Want to listen to the whole playlist? You can find it here.
Photo by Jose Llamas on Unsplash